


that night, in shanghai

by pixelz



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: ...perhaps idk, Canon Compliant, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-07
Updated: 2019-05-07
Packaged: 2020-02-27 13:18:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18739825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pixelz/pseuds/pixelz
Summary: Joohyun and Seulgi spend their first night overseas at a waterfront in Shanghai.





	that night, in shanghai

**Author's Note:**

> setting is in shanghai (2014) and south korea  
> i don't know how to title bye  
> nonlinear timeline  
> i took the interview translation from [here](https://twitter.com/kseulwan/status/961822433400438784)  
> uhh there’s really no plot, i sat on this a whole day cos i couldn't leave it unwritten. it's kinda half-assed but whatever
> 
>  **update** i've been trying to fix the summary lmao

 

They disappear in the midst of the bustling Zhongshan road, peering under the brim of their caps. The bright lights of the buildings washes over the road with an amber glow, bouncing over into the river, topping it a layer of gold. Across the wide Huangpu river stood the Lujiazui skyscrapers, luminous against the dark night sky.

“Are you cold?” Seulgi asks. It’s half past October, and the temperature has significantly dropped in Shanghai.

Joohyun rubs her palms, the dry, cool air hitting the skin under the thin fabric of her sleeves. Her bulky red coat that she wore at Incheon airport was left at the hotel, for fear it might draw attention. Not that she thinks people can recognize her, but it was a good measure to keep her privacy.

“A little,” Joohyun answers, looking out into the river, and the bystanders hunched over the railing. “I must've underestimated the weather.” That, and the fact that she didn’t think Seulgi would drag her to Wai Tan after the SMTown concert in Shanghai Stadium. She hasn’t even wiped off her makeup.

Seulgi reaches for her hand, twining their fingers together. There’s this rush, holding hands where everyone can see but doesn’t notice. But Joohyun looks up with a shadow of apprehension on her face, then at the blur of people walking past them. It’s easy to get lost in a sea of unfamiliar faces, in the moment, and for a second, she’s terrified.

“Let them look,” Seulgi whispers, rubbing a thumb over Joohyun’s knuckles. “Don’t pull away or I’ll kiss you.”

Joohyun lowers her eyes without another word, and they proceed to stroll along the promenade, gaping at the colonial buildings lining the embankment. It’s all huge, built in brick and granite, and intricately structured. When they reach the thirteenth building, topped by a clock tower, Seulgi asks, “Don’t you think it’s crazy how architecture takes us back in time?”

“It’s crazy,” Joohyun repeats, brushing the pad of her palm over the sleeve of Seulgi’s woolen sweater, “How some things stand the test of time.”

 

 

 

“What should we do in Shanghai?” Seulgi had asked in the small cramped room Joohyun occupies in their dormitory. She has finished packing her things, so she sneaked inside, tiptoeing over the objects sprawled on the floor, and sits on her bed.

It was the first time they were heading overseas as members of Red Velvet. Just two months ago, they debuted in colorful cheerleader outfits, the tips of their hair dyed, singing about how to be happy. A few days ago they came back with their second single, and now their hairs are back to black. It has been a bit of a turbulent start for them, but things have been gradually getting stable.

“I don’t know,” Joohyun replied while folding a bundle of clothes. “We’re there for a night, what could we possibly do?”

“It’s our first time out of the country,” Seulgi huffed, crossing her legs on the bed. “As people that we’ve only dreamed of before August came. It will be great, seeing our Chinese fans in a beautiful city. But we should enjoy ourselves as well, don’t you think?”

“We’re not trainees anymore,” Joohyun muttered. She tucked the folded clothes into her bag. “It’s a different world for us now.”

It has been fun, but Joohyun is aware that soon enough it is going to be more difficult for them. Relationship between female idols slips right past under everyone’s noses, so it shouldn’t be a problem, really. It’s just that nobody’s suspicious. But there’s always somebody out there who knows where to look, and where to sniff, if they let their guard down.

Seulgi leapt out of the bed and back hugged Joohyun, pressing her chest against the small of her back. She rested her chin on her shoulder, inhaling the floral scent of her hair, thinking about the choreography in Be Natural, the parts where they touch each other. It’s easy to hide, to forget when she’s focused on giving her best on stage each time.

“I won’t stop for the world, or for anybody,” murmured Seulgi, breathing into the side of Joohyun’s neck. “When I’m with you.”

Joohyun felt the tingles in her skin. Maybe Seulgi’s deluded, stubborn, or too young to understand. Or maybe it’s all a bit of everything. The walls of their dormitory are thin, and Wendy and Joy could hear if they let them. It’s not as if they aren’t already awkward enough with each other.

“Go to sleep,” Joohyun mumbled, patting Seulgi’s head. “It’s going to be a long day tomorrow.”

 

 

 

Seulgi unwittingly says, “You always come out great in pictures.”

Joohyun, hands on the edge of the bench, peeps at the phone and asks, “Did I take your photos well?”

“A little blurry, but you’re improving,” Seulgi goofily answers. The towering buildings are a little out of focus in the background, and she looks weary and pasty with the flash, her eyes hidden under the cap.

“Yah!” Joohyun yells, nudging her with an elbow. “I think it came out well.”

Seulgi laughs, and it ends their conversation. The silences between them have always been comfortable. Joohyun gets timid, and hesitates to talk more sometimes. Seulgi doesn’t mind, because she takes her time to gather her thoughts.

The wind bites the bridge of their noses. On the bench, they stare at people, both locals and tourists alike, walking by with slackened shoulders and light footsteps. Nobody’s in a rush, and nobody’s left out. Time ticked slowly, like the night would stretch on longer than it promised. These were rare nights, when they could feel the earth against their heels and they could hear the birds sing, perched on a tree some distance away.

“Do you think someone will recognize us?” Seulgi asks, slouching over, arms on her lap.

“I don’t know,” Joohyun answers, glancing at the toe of her sneakers, then adds, “It hasn’t been that long since we debuted. Some people are still getting used to us. Some has yet to hear of our existence.”

Seulgi sighs, “Did you ever think we’d be received like that?”

They’ve scrolled over the pages of Naver, and mildly regretted that they did. It’s a mistake that they somehow keep falling back into. 

“I didn’t think much about it,” Joohyun admits, thumb between her teeth, “People are unpredictable. Public opinion changes.”

“I wonder what it’d be like in twenty years. If Red Velvet has made a name enough to be remembered with the passage of time.” Seulgi shifts a bit, not tearing her gaze away from the skyline across. “What it’d be like for the both of us? Will we even remember this night? Will this memory last like those buildings?”

“I wonder,” Joohyun mutters somberly under her breath.

 

 

 

After they boarded the plane at Incheon and settled down, Seulgi said, “I dreamt about you.”

“What?” Joohyun asked after bending back up once she has lain her bag flat under her seat.

“I can’t figure out the details but the sun was suddenly shrouded by a dark mist, and you went in to save the day, like a superhero.”

“What did I do?”

“Cleared the fog up,” Seulgi replied without a hint of sarcasm, “Just like that.”

 

 

 

Seulgi stumbles into their hotel room in Shanghai, tipsy, breath smelling of alcohol. Joohyun checks the corridor one last time, but before she could close the door shut Minho spots her, three doors away across them. “Did you go out?” he asks. “I had dinner outside,” she responds before bowing her head and following inside.

“I told you not to drink too much,” Joohyun complains. Seulgi’s grinning at her stupidly, sitting at the the corner of her bed. She heads to the bathroom, then washes the makeup off her face. Her reflection in the mirror looks a little less mature. The lines on the corner of her lips become more evident.

In the middle of the room she sheds her clothes, picks them up, then walks to her bed thinly clad, pulling out a fresh pair of shirt and shorts from her bag.

“Sleep with me,” Seulgi coos, patting her hand on her bed.

“No,” Joohyun told her, slipping her legs into her shorts. “You’re being a bit too lax.”

At the restaurant Seulgi was getting really cheerful and loud to Joohyun’s liking, her tongue running on three full glasses of wine. It was the cue to usher her out, the end of a hushed and scrumptious dinner. She didn’t want to wait till Seulgi acted unbecoming of her image.

Seulgi pads toward Joohyun’s bed and sinks into the mattress beside her. She waits for Joohyun to put her shirt on, before she wraps her arms around her. She mutters  _sorry,_   _sorry, sorry_ , so softly. Then she sobs, her shoulders trembling, warm and salty tears drenching Joohyun’s shirt sleeve. “I don’t want to stop,” she slurs.

“It’s never going to be convenient,” Joohyun says, caressing Seulgi’s arm, “Not with our situation.”

They notice it, when they’re side by side in the van on the way to work, when they share mornings in the kitchen isle but afraid Wendy or Joy wakes up and walks in, or when they’re at shows, being asked about each other, and they are careful not to give away their closeness too much. The strain, an insurmountable force holding them back. To pretend, to not give in to temptation, to not let their eyes betray them when they see each other almost everyday, and for the rest of their career.

“And that’s why places like Wai Tan are different,” Seulgi says, calming herself down, “We’ll have corners of the world where we can just  _be_.”

“You sound so sure of the future,” Joohyun almost chuckles, but she doesn’t. “Who can tell? Maybe someone will be added, or someone will leave the group. Maybe they won’t want to leave us alone, or it will be harder to sneak out. Something will throw us off balance. Something always does.”

“What if it’s the irrational fear of all of that?”

“I think fears  _are_ irrational, Seulgi.” 

 

 

 

It was in the practice room, months before debut, that Seulgi heard this from Joohyun: “We faked it til we made it.”

They’re on the floor, sweat-licked backs pressed against the wall, the huge mirror across showing their hot, red-lined cheeks.

“Do you have to put it that way?”

“We could’ve left and given up,” Joohyun said, breathing sharply, her chest heaving. “But we convinced ourselves that there’s still something we can look forward to, going in and out of this building, training for countless hours. Day by day I am so close to letting go, but I lie to myself and say I can go on. And when you pretend about something regularly that it’s become a habit, it becomes real to you.”

“But we reached this point because we have worked hard, and we believed in ourselves,” Seulgi argued, touching the condensation on her cold bottle of water.

“It’s how we’ll survive in the industry,” Joohyun insisted, digging her nails into her thigh, “That doesn’t mean we’re disingenuous nor am I being cynical, either. There’s always going to be a part of us that’s inauthentic; doing what we don’t want to do, or doing things we think we want to do, all because we have to.”

Seulgi didn’t answer and just stared at the mirror, wondering if the Joohyun on the other side was saying the same thing, or something completely different.

“It doesn’t matter, not when it’s not in bad faith. All that matters is that we know where to draw line, between what’s real and what’s pretense.”

 

 

 

Before they depart from the hotel to Shanghai Pudong airport, Seulgi backs Joohyun against the door and leans in to kiss her, cupping her cheek with a hand.

It’s already high noon. Sunlight through the glass windows have bathed the room in muted yellow light. They’ve filled themselves with brunch that was delivered in at ten o’clock in the morning, made the bed, and kept some hotel toiletries that might just be disposed after.

“They’re probably already waiting for us,” Joohyun says, biting her lower lip. But Seulgi’s nose stays at the crook of her neck, and they stay like that, kissing til their lips hurt.

They think about how different it would be in another world, where they don’t have to be discreet, where there is no restraint, and where there are no consequences. But this is where they ended up in this world, and in another world, maybe they’re not the ones in love with each other.

“I don’t get to do this often,” Seulgi jests after, before they’re summoned by three quick knocks on the door. The feeling of Joohyun’s lips on her mouth still remains.

A bright and bubbly duo of Joy and Wendy greets them behind the door, carrying their items on their arms, yelling about why they’re taking so long to prepare. 

“I wish we could’ve gone to Wai Tan with the both of you, but we were both exhausted, really,” Wendy chirps while they watch the two roll out of the hotel room. “I fell asleep as soon as I hit the bed,” Joy adds with a cute pout.

“It’s alright,” Joohyun assures them, gripping onto her passport. “We can all go back, the four of us, someday.”

Joy slinks beside Seulgi and links arms with her. “Let’s sit beside each other today, ok? I sort of missed you!”

Joohyun watches behind them, trying a grin that somehow never manages to reach her face. Beside her, Wendy snorts, “Look at how mushy these two are, it’s making the hair on my arms raise!”

Yet Joohyun only tries to imagine the look on Seulgi’s face, but all she sees is that it’s buried under a mask, and she couldn’t make out the expression underneath it.

 

 

 

_Four years later, Red Velvet is then a five-member girl group. Yeri proves to be the youngest member the group needs: witty with a tendency for snark, and unapologetic about it. They just released a single that unexpectedly becomes a hit, a melodious r &b jam that they’ll sing in a capella briefly, in a small room, where the four of them are holding an interview for Sohu, a Chinese internet portal. Yeri won’t be around because she’s attending her high school graduation._

_Joohyun and Seulgi will be seated side by side, and they can’t tell if they’re still pretending, or if it’s just become real over the years, but they’ve gotten used to it. It’s almost a routine. They’ll stare at the camera, smile warmly, and act professional. They’ll laugh at their own jokes, laugh at each other’s jokes, and laugh at the member’s jokes. Sometimes they’d catch their gazes and for a flicker of a second there’s that shared understanding, and they’ll look away without so much a drastic change in the muscle of their faces._

_Then, they will remember._

_The host will ask, “If you have a chance to visit China, where would you travel to?”_

_Seulgi will raise her hand, and will rekindle a memory that has been stowed dormant in the floorboard of her brain for too long. She’ll calmly answer, her eyes a bit restless, “I want to go to Shanghai. I’ve been there before and it gave me really nice memories like walking along the river. The weather was nice too and I ate a lot of good food.” She makes a quick side-eye glance it’s unnoticeable, but not at Joohyun, although it’s toward her side while she says, “I want to go with the members again to Shanghai.”_

_Joohyun will let Joy and Wendy grant a reply first. Seulgi’s statement oddly takes her back in time. The night, the wind, the scenery. And when she gives her response, she makes up her mind, to not pretend. “I went with Seulgi to... Where was it? Wai Tan?” She glances at the interviewer with an arched brow. She has almost forgotten the place, it’s at the tip of her tongue. Her eyes move back and forth to the host and the camera before she continues, “Right, right, I want to go there again because of the good memories.”_

_And perhaps, even if nothing else can, the memory in Shanghai will stand the test of time._

 

**Author's Note:**

> some things might be vague, honestly would love it if you guys interpret the story in the way you understand it! thanks for reading <3
> 
> (i did delete my replies below; i just didn't feel like keeping them public any longer, sorry.)


End file.
